Nobody EVER Said it was Going to be Fair....

Life is a big giant pile of not fair.  Just ask my 9 and 4 year olds. One of their favorites statements is "that's not fair."

My response:  "Nobody ever said it was going to be fair."

I learned it from my Dad. As a kid, that statement annoyed the living crap out of me. I am pretty certain he had a plaque that said that up in his office at school. He is a school principal. I am CERTAIN he says this to his students daily.  I give him all the credit for this statement, although I am certain he got it from somewhere. But, damn Dad... you were right!  ;-)

I tell my kids this story. About how my Dad annoyed me with this statement. I use this as an example that I was once in their shoes... that I didn't ALWAYS believe this to be true. I try to empathize with their unfair plight... and show them I am not exactly an uncaring monster....... but hell if it's always going to be fair!

Ally thinks everything should be completely equitable. This is her world as the first born. She was always given everything. It wasn't until later in her life that she realized she had to share everything and everyone... maybe that age gap did her no favors... but it it what it is... and you might as well accept your lot in life girl.  Your little brother isn't going anywhere.  And sometimes he gets things and you don't. Sometimes he has a tad bit more ice cream in his bowl than you do. I will not take to measuring everything out perfect. It doesn't have to be exactly fair.

Luke will say things aren't fair just because he hears Ally saying it.  I don't think he actually believes it to be true.  His life has always been a compromise. A compromise of Mommy's time, attention, and things.  He is the second born so he gets this. There were other kids in his life instantly when he came into the world. He knows nothing else.

Ally remembers her glory days of being any only child.  ;-)

A lot of what I do lately is centered around teaching Ally, and in turn, Luke about disappointment. I am quicker to say no and deny things. It gets easier and easier the more you do it.  And Ally gets better and better at taking it.

This concept of "fair" really gets me going though.  The idea of all being equal.  I have been called out on the fact that I'm not taking Luke to Florida.  I am gonna be honest. I never considered it.  Not for a minute.  Is it not fair to him that he's not going and Ally is? 

Nobody ever said it was going to be fair.

Someone actually asked me if I planned to take him on a trip just me and him.  Ummmm.... WHAT? To make everything all even between my kids???? That is completely messed up.

No.  I do not plan on taking him on a trip just me and him to make up for Spring Break. I bet somewhere in the course of his life he will go on a trip that Ally won't go on... and there... it will all be fair in the end. That make you happy?

If you spend your life trying to make everything even and fair and equitable with your kids, you are gonna lead a hard ass life...... that's a full time job right there!!!!!!  Nothing can ever be equitable!!!

Luke will be bummed he's not going. And he will get over it. He has an amazing ability to cope. Ally has less ability to do so.  Nature or nurture... I do not know. Likely a bit of both.

Give up on trying to make things fair people. Give one of your kids a bigger piece of cake just for shits and giggles....... it will teach them amazing coping skills for life........  :-)