Easter 2011...

We had a really wonderful Easter weekend.... it as busy and full, but not TOO full and not stressful.  We had a couple places to go on Easter itself, but it worked out really well. The kids were well behaved. We enjoyed the time spent at both families' houses a great deal!  A very peaceful, family-filled day!

We kicked off the long weekend with a couple sleepovers for Ally. She went to a friend's house on Thursday (they didn't have school Friday) and then, Ally's friend Morgan came over Friday for a sleepover. The girls were great when they were here. They are well suited together... they like to do a lot of the same things. They watched movies, played with their new yo-yo's (they had a yo-yo assembly that week at school), played board games and did some art.  I was really impressed with their behavior.

That evening, we colored eggs!!!!  The kids absolutely love this task. LOVE IT!  It's always over too soon... I am thinking next year we need to color dozens of eggs... and then make something out of all the eggs. The kids just love the process of coloring eggs so much.

The next day, we went to an Easter Egg hunt at Queens... where there was even an appearance from the Easter Bunny (AKA: Father Matthias).

We had a peaceful night at home Saturday evening... and got up bright and early Sunday to go to church and enjoy the morning together. The kids were pretty excited to see that the Bunny had brought them a few things...

Ally might have had too much candy and Sprite in the morning as she was fighting a pretty bad stomach ache when we were at Nana's and Papa's. She still pulled it together in order to enjoy an Easter Egg hunt with the kids and open a fabulous present from them of OPI Nail Polish - including the Katy Perry Shattered topcoat and a great book that she's looking forward to reading.

We ended the day with a visit to my Aunt Kris' where most of my family was hanging out. We ate some more... the kids got gifts from my Grandma - stuffed bunnies, candy and money... and we enjoyed some great conversation and of course, wine.  :-)

A great Easter day and weekend indeed!!!!  Next up - First Communion!!!!

Laundry Queen...

So, Ally needed to earn $2 yesterday to add to the $8 she already had, so that she could buy a special yo-yo at school. Based on the events of late... and my new outlook, there was no way I was going to hand over the $2.... so Ally learned how to do laundry, fold it and put it away yesterday... and she did it happily....

I realize that I ask very little of Ally. We don't have formal "chores" for her. We have learned to keep our expectations low because she is so high maintenance!  No more. We have GOT to change this! So, we are looking into some Chore Charts. Some Responsibility Agreements and some general ways in which we can empower her to do what, frankly she should be doing already - on her own!!!!

Ally made a lot of good choices yesterday. She was very much in control of herself and the night was peaceful as a result.  At one point, she and I were sitting in a chair, reading together and I said... "Ally I have had a wonderful night with you and I am glad we are all working so hard on having a peaceful, happy household."  She just smiled, nodded and hugged me... and I saw some tears in her eyes...

She's hurting too... and we are gonna get better.  One load of laundry at a time.  :-)

Huge Sigh....

So yesterday, we had a breakthrough of sorts with Ally at her therapist's.  Ally was already ramping up into having a fit before we even got into Dot's office. I was actually hoping she WOULD continue... but as we sat in the waiting room, she worked herself up, up and up... and then, the therapist came through the door and I watched my daugther, who swears she can't control herself, turn into a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON! There are no words for what this transformation looked like.....


So, when Ally was asked "how are you?" and she said (all chipper) "fine!" I had to call her out...... and I interjected with "Wait just a minute you were so NOT fine two seconds ago!!!!!!!" And that began the fall, the complete breakdown of Ally, at long last, in front of our therapist. I am thankful this happened. I am even more thankful, as HARD as it was... that Luke was with us this time, because she got to see some of that interaction... HIS reaction... and how downright HARD it is for me to then, have to deal with them both, alone, as they individually melt down.

She finally saw some of Ally's "real" techniques with me. She heard the manipulation come out. The lies. The denial. Ally swears "nothing is her fault." That morning, she had pushed Luke in the bathroom because she was mad... his mouth bled. We talked about it. Ally would not own up to it.  It just happened. She didn't do it "really."

So here we are now... with the "no more mr. nice guy" tactic. We are starting over with Ally. Retraining her. And while she'd like us to start with a weekend, much like you would potty training she said, we don't HAVE a free one for two weeks... so we have to get through the next two weeks. Easter... and Ally's First Communion. Then, that second weekend in May and every other one if need be... we stay home... and we work... and we don't go anywhere...... until Ally can act like an 8 year old worthy of getting such rewards like going out to eat or to the movies or hanging out with friends.

This is HARD FOR ME!!!!!!!! A lot of where I came from, when I went part time, I wanted to increase the time I spent with her... do more with her... and I kept throwing more and more and more at her... doing more for her and with her because I thought this would change her behavior. I felt as if I was more absent before, working full time, not there after school... too tired on the weekends sometimes to do too much, soI thought she needed more of me.... and while she does need me,  need us..... we missed a step along the way, and we missed somehow making her BEHAVE......... so here we are............... and we are essentially breaking her like a horse............ it's gonna suck so bad. But we gotta do it.

So, we are Mr. and Mrs. Strict Ass Shitty Parents. ;-) That's us. And, we got to try out our new techniques right away. Ally let us have it as soon as we got home. Instant fit. And to her room she went. She went to her room, I didn't talk to her. I didn't engage. I told her over and over, when SHE gets control of HERSELF she can come out. Contrast this with what I would usually do... go in and try to help her (cuz our therapist thought this would work, but she never witnessed, until yesterday what Ally does to me when I do this). So, she gets NO help.

And she screamed. She kicked. She broke her closet door. She said the most awful things for well over an hour straight. Just an hour. Not horrid. (HA!)

She came out, on her own.... we fed her. Talked quietly. Then, we made her lie her clothes out for school the next day. Get her backpack ready. And write out on a white board what would be happening tomorrow and the next day, so she was aware of what was to come. Down to what she was having for breakfast and lunch.....

She was quiet. She was compliant... she went to bed with no issues. She got up this morning with no issues. She ate. Brushed her teeth and did everything nicely. Quietly. And respectfully.

This is the calm before our storm I am thinkin...... but she knows the tide has turned. Her therapist looked at her yesterday and said "I am asking your parents to be more strict. I am telling them to give you less freedom. Less choices. I know you can control yourself and I know you can be better. I want you to prove it to all of us."

So... I am admitting to myself that we are starting over today. We have to look at every interaction we have with her with new eyes.... we have to help her because we have to be a happier family. I am going to journal the entire process, but not here.  I am going to start a new blog completely devoted to this because I am taking it very seriously.  And lord knows I will need an outlet to talk and vent. This is where we are going to make or break our family.  This is where we are going to change for the better, but go through hell to get there. Worth it? Abso-freakin-lutely.

Spring... Spring.... Where ARE You???

Seriously... this lack of REAL spring is CRAP!  It is FREEZING outside.  It's a struggle each morning to convince Ally it is indeed cold enough to warrant wearing a winter coat... but NO... she would rather freeze and I guess I don't blame her. I am kinda over my winter clothes too. I put the wool and such away cuz at this point it's April and a fashion no-no... so instead I am layering the cottons.... still require a scarf... totally wore my Uggs in and out of the office yesterday... this is just ridiculous!!!!

We probably won't see spring at all.  One day, it will just be in the 80s and summer will be here. Sigh... it just comes on us so quick!  No 50s, then 60s, then 70s.  What I wouldn't give for the 60s.

I am taking inventory of the kids spring and summer wardrobes and trying to order what is needed.  Today, I placed a sizable order for Luke since everything is on sale plus I have rewards points and an extra 25% off...... I am feeling good about getting him 7 shirts and 6 pair of shorts for $90!!  I have to get him things with and adjustable waist so it's pretty much Gymbo and Gap for him... I haven't been liking much at Target these days anyway.  He can wear most of his shorts from last year too... we just needed a few more... and of course, all new shirts.  He is a funny little size... long waisted, so he needs 4's on top... and can wear 2's on bottom.  I ordered 3's though... hoping they will adjust to what he needs and maybe last.  Maybe.  ;-)

Ally is another story. She has to be with me... and we have gotten her a few things here and there.  She's the girl I just will grab things for all the season through. Kinda like me.  ;-)  Luke I just get all at once and unless something amazing catches my eye... he's done.  Such a difference between boys and girls.

I am so excited for his Easter outfit and can't wait to share pics with you.  Fingers crossed that he will wear it.... cuz he is picky, picky, picky about what goes on his body. I will have to give him a pep talk and bribe him with ten kinds of candy to wear the hat... of that I am certain... but it is so cute... it will be worth it.

Ally agreed, some time ago, to wear the same dress she wore for the Daddy/Daughter dance for Easter and is now regretting that promise, as she wants something new.  Life is really hard for the girl.  :-) I try not to say things like that to her.

As I said yesterday... things are still pretty difficult with her.  Maybe more so.  It seems as if things are getting worse by the day, but I am trying, trying, trying to remain positive and work at it.  A good daily cry alone in the bathroom gets me through.... and we will continue to work with her therapist.  I am focusing on the good and positive in my life when I am outside of the really bad moments with her... and when I am there... I try not to look back.  Hard to do my friends.  Hard.  To.  Do.

Hope you are all having wonderful weeks... and looking forward to your Easter weekend with friends, family or some peace in your own home!

Our Weekend...

We had a really GREAT weekend! It was pretty busy and full, but in the best of ways.  Luke and I were home on Thursday and Friday and we didn't do anything exciting.  We stayed in both days and I picked up the house, got all updated on Project Life (pics to come promise!) and prepared for our weekend....

Friday, Ally had a friend come home with her for a sleepover!  I found out her family was going to be staying out of town for her older brother's basketball game and she was bummin' about missing a big movie premier on Disney, so I offered for her to stay with us.  It turned out to work perfect!  I brought the girls home... and we got ready for an Easter Art Event - A "Kids' Night Out" event.  Perfect..... if only Luke were old enough!  When he's four, he will be... we are almost there!!! So, Ally and Kennedy had dinner with other kids... and created a cool art project, while Scott, Luke and I had dinner with Scott's parents. An almost adult night out.  Luke was really, really good.... and easy enough for four adults to manage.

 

After we finished dinner and the art projects, we busted home so the girls could watch the movie, Lemonade Mouth on Disney. This was a big deal among 8 year olds.  I popped popcorn for them, they drank lemonade (of course!) and they sat downstairs on the pull out bed... and watched that movie, and other shows all night long into the wee hours of the night..... good girlie times.

Saturday, the girls went to the Library and then, over the school to play on the huge playground there.  We then, went out to lunch and all took Luke to see his very first movie, Rio!!!!

He was pretty excited and did SO well!  He still gets antsy and can't sit through an entire movie, but Scott and I were there and we were able to handle him pretty well.  Two on one parenting is so easy! Ally was sitting somewhere else with Kennedy.  Too cool to sit with mom and dad and her dumb brother.  :-))))))))

After the movie, Scott took the kids and they took Kennedy home much to Ally's dismay. They then went home and discovered our freezer wasn't cold.  At first he just thought it was the freezer and I think it took us to the next day to realize it was the fridge too.  Ugh. Suckage.  They had a great night anyway... at some steaks that had "defrosted" and played board games... since Mommy went out.  :-)  I went and picked up Kristen and we headed to meet our friend Chelsea, her sister Erin and her step-mom, Terry for dinner in Novi. Chelsea's Dad had just had surgery on benign brain tumor... a very successful surgery at that!  So, we were happy to be able to go out and celebrate a bit with them! We went to Andiamo and had a wonderful meal, wine and yummy dessert!!

Sunday morning, we got up and threw breakfast together... we had saved a few things and put the milk and other items in the downstairs little beverage fridge that we have in the kitchenette down there.  Then we got ready and decided that we would all go to church........... usually just Ally and I go as Luke isn't so great at being quiet or sitting still.  But, the movie had gone so well, so we were feeling brave.  Little did we recall that the movie went so well because of the ratio. Two parents.  One child.  This time, Ally was there too... and we all know Ally doesn't take well to Scott and I paying too much attention to Luke... so, off I went into the child room at church... and tried to manage Luke.  He calmed down to the point of falling asleep in my lap... so honestly, I enjoyed mass! I got to peacefully hold my sleeping little man while Scott managed Ally.  ;-)  Ally is REALLY good in mass... she goes with school weekly and frankly, loves it... and she has the child liturgy, so is only with us for half of it.  It was nice to ALL be able to go as a family, even if we didn't sit together.  Hopefully, we can do the same for Easter next week!

After mass, we went out to eat at Finley's....

 

 Then took a little trip over to the mall cuz I wanted to look at something for Luke to wear for Easter. I thought I had something, but I underestimate his size sometimes.  :-) So, off we went to grab something.  The kids saw the Easter Bunny... and while, Ally has never had any interest in seeing Bunnies or Santas.... Luke desperately wanted to! So, we waited in line.... and because her little brother was gonna do it... Ally was too....

 

They were pretty cute... they both hugged the bunny and gave him "high fives."  :-)  Luke was giddy and Ally just played along, having never really cared about such things before.  She's an old soul that one... hard for her to be a true kid and just enjoy those little things that kids usually do.  I'm glad she went along for Luke, and in the process of it... seemed to have some joy herself......

I won't talk about how we went home and Ally had a fit for hours... and I had to leave the house just to pull it together.... I will end on a good note.... cuz when I look back on our weekend, I only remember those things.  :-)

Spring Break 2011...

Well, we didn't go anywhere THAT warm... we didn't have a beach or a pool.... but we did do a LOT on our Spring Break!!  We kicked the week off on Friday when I picked Ally up from school.... we met Jane, Adam and the girls for a celebratory "beginning of Break" dinner at Slice of Spice!  We had yummy pizza and amazing breadsticks, and, of course... BEER!  :-)  The kids were fairly well behaved....

Then, Saturday... Ally and I boarded and plane headed for St. Louis, Missouri... where we spent the next five days in Columbia visiting Grandma Kathy and Grandpa Dave! We had a nice visit.  Did lots of shopping, eating, sight seeing, pottery painting, scrapbooking, and we saw Hop the new movie!  Ally enjoyed being away... but as always, the change in routine seemed to wear on her and she had some pretty bad behavior issues.  We pushed through and made the best of it and didn't let it dampen our spirits too much.

When we got home... we spent our days going, going, going.  We went to Jump City with Grace and had a great time on Thursday.

Then, we went to Jungle Java on Friday with a whole bunch of friends... and Luke was brave after two (or was it three?) hours, and made his way into the big structure!

Then, to round out the going, going, going... we headed to a Tiger Game on Saturday!  We went to Zingermann's Roadhouse for lunch on our way to the game... then, enjoyed a GREAT game with great seats.  In my opinion anyway. Maybe not the best seats for game watching, but definitely the best seats for kids!  We were in the front row of the section right by the bullpen... so the kids loved watching the relief pitchers warm up.  And... Ally got a ball from the bullpen coach... so you cannot beat that!  It was Luke's very first game... and he loved it.  He was sooooo good... and the kids just seemed to have a really great time. We hit BW3s on our way home... where the action was packed since U of M was in the National Championship Game for hockey.  We had a great, great night.

Then, to top it all off, Sunday was GORGEOUS!!!!!  We spent most of the day outside.  Getting out the deck furniture, playing in the sandbox, playing catch, scooping poop, grilling, taking walks and scooter rides into town and getting ice cream!  It was a great, albeit fairly exhausting week.....