Huge Sigh....

So yesterday, we had a breakthrough of sorts with Ally at her therapist's.  Ally was already ramping up into having a fit before we even got into Dot's office. I was actually hoping she WOULD continue... but as we sat in the waiting room, she worked herself up, up and up... and then, the therapist came through the door and I watched my daugther, who swears she can't control herself, turn into a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON! There are no words for what this transformation looked like.....


So, when Ally was asked "how are you?" and she said (all chipper) "fine!" I had to call her out...... and I interjected with "Wait just a minute you were so NOT fine two seconds ago!!!!!!!" And that began the fall, the complete breakdown of Ally, at long last, in front of our therapist. I am thankful this happened. I am even more thankful, as HARD as it was... that Luke was with us this time, because she got to see some of that interaction... HIS reaction... and how downright HARD it is for me to then, have to deal with them both, alone, as they individually melt down.

She finally saw some of Ally's "real" techniques with me. She heard the manipulation come out. The lies. The denial. Ally swears "nothing is her fault." That morning, she had pushed Luke in the bathroom because she was mad... his mouth bled. We talked about it. Ally would not own up to it.  It just happened. She didn't do it "really."

So here we are now... with the "no more mr. nice guy" tactic. We are starting over with Ally. Retraining her. And while she'd like us to start with a weekend, much like you would potty training she said, we don't HAVE a free one for two weeks... so we have to get through the next two weeks. Easter... and Ally's First Communion. Then, that second weekend in May and every other one if need be... we stay home... and we work... and we don't go anywhere...... until Ally can act like an 8 year old worthy of getting such rewards like going out to eat or to the movies or hanging out with friends.

This is HARD FOR ME!!!!!!!! A lot of where I came from, when I went part time, I wanted to increase the time I spent with her... do more with her... and I kept throwing more and more and more at her... doing more for her and with her because I thought this would change her behavior. I felt as if I was more absent before, working full time, not there after school... too tired on the weekends sometimes to do too much, soI thought she needed more of me.... and while she does need me,  need us..... we missed a step along the way, and we missed somehow making her BEHAVE......... so here we are............... and we are essentially breaking her like a horse............ it's gonna suck so bad. But we gotta do it.

So, we are Mr. and Mrs. Strict Ass Shitty Parents. ;-) That's us. And, we got to try out our new techniques right away. Ally let us have it as soon as we got home. Instant fit. And to her room she went. She went to her room, I didn't talk to her. I didn't engage. I told her over and over, when SHE gets control of HERSELF she can come out. Contrast this with what I would usually do... go in and try to help her (cuz our therapist thought this would work, but she never witnessed, until yesterday what Ally does to me when I do this). So, she gets NO help.

And she screamed. She kicked. She broke her closet door. She said the most awful things for well over an hour straight. Just an hour. Not horrid. (HA!)

She came out, on her own.... we fed her. Talked quietly. Then, we made her lie her clothes out for school the next day. Get her backpack ready. And write out on a white board what would be happening tomorrow and the next day, so she was aware of what was to come. Down to what she was having for breakfast and lunch.....

She was quiet. She was compliant... she went to bed with no issues. She got up this morning with no issues. She ate. Brushed her teeth and did everything nicely. Quietly. And respectfully.

This is the calm before our storm I am thinkin...... but she knows the tide has turned. Her therapist looked at her yesterday and said "I am asking your parents to be more strict. I am telling them to give you less freedom. Less choices. I know you can control yourself and I know you can be better. I want you to prove it to all of us."

So... I am admitting to myself that we are starting over today. We have to look at every interaction we have with her with new eyes.... we have to help her because we have to be a happier family. I am going to journal the entire process, but not here.  I am going to start a new blog completely devoted to this because I am taking it very seriously.  And lord knows I will need an outlet to talk and vent. This is where we are going to make or break our family.  This is where we are going to change for the better, but go through hell to get there. Worth it? Abso-freakin-lutely.