Crazy Kids...

So, sometimes the days of summer are long... and a kid has to get creative.  My kids have performed some silly antics this summer...

One day, we came home and Ally announced she was bored. This usually sends me into a fit of anger.  For some reason, nothing pisses me off more than my child telling me she is bored in a house full of toys hand chosen by her....  obviously none of them are acceptable in this moment...  so, instead.... she heads to the recycling bin and she and Luke make robots....

You have GOT to love the Bacardi bottle.  :-))))))))

Other days, Luke dresses himself up in his and Ally's old Halloween costumes.  I have come home multiple times to Luke dressed in his Frog costume..... and then, the latest obsession is Ally's "Punky Duck."

Life as a little boy must just be too ordinary... much more fun to be a frog or a duck....  :-)

Then, there's Ally.......

She's just a looney girl.  :-))))))

And, let's not forget the day the kids put the ladder against the porch and decided to climb for fun....

Never a dull moment around here....  and we wouldn't have it any other way!!!

Kids' Collections....

Anyone who really knows me, knows I don't like to keep stuff around my house for long. I despise the build up of clutter. I detest a houseful of random crap we don't really need or use.  I hate feeling overwhelmed in my own home. Some people are really good at taking those things, and putting them away in a neat, organized fashion, and saving them for when they might need them again.

Not me.

I want stuff out.  Kids outgrew clothes... I want them gone.  My friend Kristen knows this well.... take it now, or it might not be around to take!  ;-)  If I don't wear something anymore... it finds a new home with a friend or Goodwill..... it's just how I roll..........

So, as I was cleaning the other day... I found a Zhu-Zhu pet!  And then... I found a Silly Band..... and it got me thinking about the many things my kids collect in  phases. How much they love these things and need more of them, when they are popular and fun... and how quickly they get thrown by the wayside when they are done with them!!!!!!!

I started making a mental list of all the types of things we have loved and let go in the McIntosh household:

• Zhu Zhu Pets
• Silly Bandz
• Barbies
• Cabbage Patch Dolls
• American Girl Dolls (Ally will still kind  of play... but I fear these VERY expensive dolls and their more expensive accessories are going the way of the dinosaur in our house!)
• Junie B Jones Books (Ally is so over the series)
• Nintendo DS and Games
• Stickers
• Scrapbook supplies (this was recent, maybe Ally will get back into it, but right now, there it all sits!)

I'm sure there are more... but those are the things that come to mind...  and I envision a future of many, many more loved and obessessed over items.. that we will "have to have" and then discard all too quickly.......

I could go two ways with this..... I could look at the waste and feel frustration... or I could let it go... cuz I think I am built the same way.  I was probably like this as a kid.  I am like this now. I just collect different things.  Jeans. Shoes.  Purses. And I am done with them... and I get rid of them... and I move on.  I don't get too attached to too many things.... there are very few items that hold true sentimental value for me... and those things I will never let go... but most things are just things... and I am fine saying goodbye.....

So, I let it go... and as I place the beloved Zhu Zhu into the bag for Goodwill... I smile and recall the joy that it once brought to Ally's face... and that is enough.... I don't need to hang on to the annoying little rat.  ;-))))

Fourth of July Fun....

I have to post some pics from our Fourth of July fun for my Grandma!!!  So, Baci... here you go!!!!!

Today....

Sometimes I am in awe of how well my children play together. Today is one of those days and I am grateful. Their age difference doesn't matter. Their gender difference doesn't exist. They are just two kids playing the day away indoors until we can get to the pool. In the meantime, they have had to exude patience while Mommy showers and dresses for an afternoon and night out.... And attempts to clean up around here. In their haste to have fun, the attempt at cleaning is futile.... But I care very little while I smile listening to them.

They have played dress up... Built a fort... Recorded themselves singing songs... And are currently doing gymnastics. Ally is one hell of a teacher when she wants to be. She digs up her patience and Luke basks in her attention.

Today is a very good day. :-)


-- Post From My iPhone

Hatteras 2011....

So.... I've been to Hatteras with my hubby's family a few times in my life now.  Once or twice before we were married.  Once before kids.  We took Ally when she was 18 months... and then didn't go again until Luke was 6 months, 18 months, and this year, when he is 3 1/2. This has been, by far, the best trip yet!  The previous two times we went were challenging, at best.  Luke hated the sand, the ocean, wasn't a huge fan of the pool yet.. deposed the heat.... and wouldn't' sleep AT ALL!!!!!!!  This year, he seems to be just old enough that he could enjoy the beach, the pool and be okay with sleeping in a strange bed so long as he knew were we were!!

Even the flight was PERFECT!!!!!  He was so excited about everything. About getting on the plane, buckling his own seatbelt, looking out the window... and he even watched as we took off.  We stayed busy, even though it was only a one and a half hour flight.  He loved the snacks and juice the flight attendant brought.  We colored and played tic tac toe.  And we looked out the window at the sights,  A LOT!!!!  He was ecstatic as we landed in Norfolk because there were "Cranky the Cranes" all over... and he was enthralled with all the buildings.  It was adorable.  Always a joy to watch something through his eyes.

We got our rental car and got out of the airport in record time.  Things were going SO well.... until we hit some nasty traffic trying to get on the island.  What should have been a 2 1/2 - 3 hour drive... became a 5 1/2 hour drive... cuz we inched to get on and over the bridge.  Tensions were high in the car my friend.  Scott tried his hardest to make light of the situation, but Ally was losing her shit. We told jokes.  Gave dollars to the person who could do the best fake cry, fake puke, and fake laugh.  Still, it was a rough go until we got through the traffic and onto the island....

Then, once the kids could see the dunes and realized we were getting close, they were beyond excited.... and all smiles.  That last hour (after we all stopped for a potty break and some food!) were a blast!  A lot of fun anticipation and excitement in the air.  :-)

We were the second "wave" to arrive at the cottage.  My father and brother in law (who drove down) made it first, checked in and unloaded all our bags.  Adam even greeted me at the door with a much deserved margarita!!!!  Let the fun begin!!!!!!!!

The kids were off... bathing suits were put on... and they were in the pool instantly.  My brother in law and his two kids, Natalie and Even arrived not long after us... and then my mother in law, Jane, Grace and the twins brought up the rear!  We were all there!!!!!!

We ordered pizza that first night... got the kids down... enjoyed drinks in the hot tub (one of my very favorite parts of Hatteras - drinking with my hubby and his sibs)... and let the games begin!!!

A typical day was, arise far too early... man the kids woke up early down there!  Have a wonderful huge breakfast.... and hit the beach before it go too hot.  Luke was amazing in the ocean.  He really loved it this time - at least at first.  If he got water in his mouth, he wasn't a fan. And the sand that stuck to his feet... well, he always wanted me to "get it off!"  So, there were some low points.  But, he was a thousand percent better this year than previous years... so I will take it!!!!!!!

We would head back... take a dip in the pool... and then head up for lunch.... then, kids and adults alike would have some "rest time."  Which meant, actual naps for the kids... and drinking, swimming, and reading time for us adults!!!!!  The kids would get up... and we were back in the pool for the day, until it was time to shower and get ready for happy hour and dinner.... then, sometimes, back in the pool after dinner... or trips to get ice cream.... or back to the beach to crab hunt.... or game playing in the cottage.

The cottage had an elevator and the kids loved it.  All five of the bigger kids would ride up and down.. or just sit in it and play school. They all played together so well.  It was great for Ally to have so much time with her cousin Natalie, who is her cousin closest to her in age.  Natalie will be six next month.  Ally took on the role of "biggest cousin" very well and thoroughly enjoyed being the boss of them.  :-)

She did need her alone time now and then.... so she and I had an afternoon to ourselves once... we did some shopping and she picked out some souvenirs and I found some great jewelry at a local art gallery.  Another day, the four of us, went out to lunch and did some more shopping... so we had a good mix of family time, and just our family time.

Luke absolutely fell in love with swimming.  This summer, spending so much time at the pool at the club has made him more confident in water, but up to this point, it's been time in a "baby pool."  At Hatteras, he wore swimmies and learned how to swim independently with those!!!  A huge step for my timid little guy!!!

We did a family photo shoot on the beach again... I cannot wait to see how the pictures turned out!!!!  Jane always does an amazing job!!!!!  I'm sure she also got lots of candids of all the kids... and I can't wait to share her much better pics.... but in the meantime, I can share what I got.... which still captures the essence of our time there.  It was a great time.  A gorgeous house... full of lots of people we love... and everyone had such a nice time being together....  :-)

You Are My Sunshine

Tonite Luke asked me to sing "The Sunshine Song" to him when I tucked him in. So, knowing what he meant, I sang "You Are My Sunshine". We sing this a lot. He knows most of the words. He listened to me at first... Then he joined in and sang with me. When the song ended, he reached up and gave me a hug and said goodnight. It's one of those moments I want to bottle and save forever. Bring it out in the moments I need to be lifted.

Writing it here is almost as good. I'm pretty sure I can look back at this post, read it and conjure up the feelings.

He is such a sweet boy. :)


-- Post From My iPhone

Fourth of July Weekend....

We had a GREAT long weekend!!!  Going into the long weekend knowing I only had two days of work this week was pretty awesome too....  ;-)

Saturday, my cousins Becky and Sarah came over for a cookout that turned into a "cook-in." Well, luckily Scott grilled the chicked before the torrential downpour... so we enjoyed some amazing chicken caesar salad and WINE indoors. Good old fashioned girl talk and a bottle of wine.  Good, good times........

Sunday, we made our way over to Somerset Mall early in the day. I had some returns and purchases to make at Anthro.... and we enjoyed lunch at California Pizza Kitchen... my kids fave by far.  :)  Afterwards we went to Scott's cousin Sarah's Surprise 30th birthday party... and had a nice afternoon visiting with some of his family that we rarely see.  His cousin lives in Commerce Township, but his aunt and uncle in Alabama... so it was nice to see them... and see Sarah's three boys.  Luke even ventured out, got brave and climbed a fence.  :-)

Monday... we went over to my aunt's, where all my family gathered for a good old fashioned American BBQ.... hot dogs... apple pie.... all the best in American fare.  :-)  The kids enjoyed a GIANT blow up water slide/pool that my uncle recently purchased... and let's be honest.... after a few margaritas, some adults really enjoyed it too.  ;-)

Ally had a sleepover at her friend Kennedy's... and had her first tubing on the lake experience.  She loved it..... and is excited to try knee-boarding next... as Kennedy promised that they would do that next time.  I love the experiences she is getting this summer.... it's been such a great time already!!!!!

Today is my "Friday" and I am off work for the next 11 days after today! HOORAY!!!!!  Saturday, we leave bright at early for our vacation to the Outer Banks with Scott's family.  We are staying in Buxton this year, near the lighthouse.  Our cottage is Native Sun.  Cannot wait..... think it's going to be a great time... and I am going into it with a positive attitude, since Luke has been hard to handle down there the last two times we've gone.  We did not go last summer... and I am hoping now he's old enough to enjoy more of what it has to offer.  Back then, he did not enjoy the beach... the sun.. and the pool was iffy.  ;-)  Great for a beach vaction in the heat.  :-)))))))

I am going to spend the next couple days doing laundry.... packing and getting any last minute items we need.  For some reason, this is the least stressed I've EVER been before this trip... or maybe any trip with my kids.  This will be the first time we go and I don't have to worry about diapers... or special cups or bottles... or any of it! I can just pack my kids clothes, some sunscreen and GO!  I am feeling great and loving this lighter burden of travel!!!

So..... next week will be quiet around blog land (Grandma!!!)... so don't expect any updates until after I return!  I will, however, try to post some pics from the Fourth.... and the "kids" playing on the water structure.  :-)

Okay, Okay....

So the comment from my Grandma alone is enough to make me go on.  ;-)  I really wasn't gonna stop blogging all together... well, maybe.... I was just questioning it all I suppose.  No harm in questioning things now and then...  ;-)

Now I know I have a few faithful readers who would miss me if I were gone. So I shall stay.

And major love to all of you back for your super sweet and awesome comments!  I got some emails and private notes too.  Lots of love for the bloggy Nicole.  So you will get more of me I suppose.  Lucky you!!!  HA!

We have had an AWESOME week!!!!  An awesome week. Did I mention that Scott and I went to the U2 concert to kick the week off???  This past Sunday we saw U2 at Spartan Stadium and it was just awesome to see.  Perfect weather. Perfect venue. Always feels so good to be back on campus... even if so many things have changed that it makes me feel super old that my college campus looks nothing like it did when I went there!  UGH!  It was a fun night out for us... only marred ever slightly by Scott's illness.  :(

I pulled myself together to go to work Monday. Was seriously only half awake for the day. Declared "movie night" when I got home to get through the evening with the kids... and went to bed as soon as I put them to bed!

Tuesday, my twin nieces turned one... so we all went out to the pool to celebrate and have dinner. Too bad the weather didn't cooperate. It was a bit chilly and the kids didn't have as much fun as we had hoped, but we made the best of it.  Wednesday Ally had day camp and golf which she still loves - and yes, I picked up as happy a girl as I dropped off - so that was great!  :-)  I even skipped out of work a minute early to have coffee with my cousins... and some much needed girl talk.

Those same awesome cousins (Sarah and Becky) came out to the pool with us Thursday after gymnastics.  We had a great afternoon out there.. and I came home and made an amazing dinner of salmon, pasta and broccoli, which for some reason... Luke actually ATE.  :-)

Friday, my friend Kristen, her three week old and two year old, joined us at the pool... along with Ally's friend Quinn and we spent the entire day playing, swimming and sipping margaritas!  I was so proud of Kristen for venturing out!!!!  Quinn came home with us for a sleepover... and Scott grilled a yummy beef tenderloin which we enjoyed with some wine on the deck while Ally and her friend happily and independently played Life... then, Luke and I watched Curious George and we all fell asleep....

Today.. I spent the morning at Divinity getting a pedicure.... lovely!  I am home alone now, enjoying some solitude as Scott took all the kids to see Cars 2.... and I am catching up on tons of laundry and anticipating my cousins' visit this evening... we shall grill out... sit on the deck and enjoy a tasty beverage and catch up.

I freakin' love summer.  :-)

Not Feeling Bloggy....

I don't know what's up with me lately... I don't feel much like blogging.  I think there are a number of reasons for this..... one, I wonder "is there anyone out there actually READING this? does anyone care???".... two, I would rather do a zillion other things with free moments....... three, the only moments I make for it (that are free) are usually my lunch hour (like now) at work, and I don't always have that free... and definitely don't have access to any pictures!

So....... here I am. I have a moment..... so I am gonna do a quick update and ponder my existence in blog world.  ;-)

We are into the third week of summer. Rather, we are into the third week of summer break!!!!  As I look ahead and plan (I am ALWAYS planning!!!), I see there are only EIGHT more weeks before Ally returns to school... and Luke starts PRESCHOOL!!!!! That seems short. I feel my throat closing in.  I need more summer time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love the summer mornings. I love not having to get Ally up too early (she still has to get up somewhat early on the days they go places). I love the flexibility we have.  I love the things we have been doing. I love the WEATHER. I don't want summer break to end........ okay.... I know it's not yet..... but still.  I may, just MAY be over-reacting.  :-))))))

So.... eight more glorious weeks of fun.  We are in the third week of fun.......and the kids are FINALLY healthy. Ally seems to have kicked an almost three week chest cold..... and Luke is pretty much through it as well. My poor hubby is another story... he is super sick. Home in bed sick. Can barely function sick.

I am gonna throw myself a little paragraph pity party... are ya ready?  Here it goes.....

Prior to Scott getting sick, he had two weeks of mostly travel at work. AKA - he was not home to help me at night. Then, we had Father's Day... and I pretty much gave him the weekend off. Then, he was sick last weekend.... and into this week... so I've been single parenting it.... for going on three weeks.  This is when Mommy starts to lose her shit a little bit.  ;-) But, I'm keeping it together the best I can......  I feel more exhausted than anything.....

Pity party over......

The kids and I have gone to the pool a ton..... I usually try to either make sure Ally has a friend that is going to be there, or take one... cuz she is much happier having someone to swim in the big pool with.  Makes perfect sense to me.  Luke, is happy to play in the baby pool with me nearby or with whoever is in there.  And I usually sit near that pool. We have worked out a great routine there... and have enjoyed the pool more than I can say!! It is like a vacation for us every time we go. A great break from it all right here in town.  A good decision, all around.........

Luke is getting VERY brave...... he will pretend swim and walk all over that little pool.  He is becoming more outgoing and interacting with the other kids there.  I am super proud of how he is blossoming..... he really is ready to interact with more kids and I can't wait for him to start at St. Mary's in the fall.

Things are going wel with Ally too.  She is really responding to our new techniques with her... the most significant change coming from my trying to empathize and let it go. That is my mantra.  I chant "be empathetic and forget it...." over and over and over.  Don't make fun.  Don't judge. This shit is working people!  :-))))))

She starts to get upset and I tell her that I'm sorry and try to either leave it at that, or think of a time that I can share with her where I felt the same. Then, I leave it. Sometimes this means I have to walk away (especially if I'm particularly annoyed with her). Sometimes I have to bite my tongue (particularly when she is being snotty). My greatest response when she's just being snotty lately is "I'm sorry you feel the need to treat me this way/talk to me this way/react this way."  Then, I leave it alone.

99% of the time...... she comes out of it. For example... this morning (mornings are NEVER good), she was starting to get upset about the fact that she doesn't know how to tie. 

Yes.... yes... I know this is some epic parent fail on my part.  But... in my defense.... she does NOT take direction. I have TRIED to teach her. Always ends in tears.  So.... my defense mechanism is to just avoid. Healthy? A good choice? Hell no it's not... but it's what I got now..... so we move forward.....

Anyway... she is starting to get worked up. I can see it. Her body language is telling me this is bad.  She has Day Camp today and the counselors take her to her golf lesson. Her golf shoes are tie shoes. She is either going to have to wear her golf shoes until her lesson at 10:45 (a poor choice in footwear for the morning's activities) or ask a counselor to tie her shoes (insert gasps of horror).  I knelt down in front of her and said "Ally I am so sorry, I know it's very embarrasing and hard but you have a choice here..."  And, I went and brushed my teeth....

She dressed herself. Must have thought about it. And came into the bathroom and said.... "I want to wear my pink and purple sandals and I will ask someone to help me with my shoes."  Subject dropped. She was fine.

Good stuff. May seem simple to you. Not simple to me. Big, huge improvement.  In both of us. I would try to either convince her it was going to be okay.... make her feel like I was stuffing her feelings in a bag, or worse yet... I might have told her it was her own fault she couldn't tie... that would happen if she was starting to scream or have a fit and I was getting upset...... but I didn't... I just said I was sorry for how she felt.... and left it. She dealt with her feelings on her own.... and made a good choice.

Baby steps.........

Scott is not as practiced in all of this.  It's harder for him cuz he doesn't go with us to therapy each week. Have the conversations as often... also, he isn't around to practice this for himself as often either. So, I usually end up reminding him after he has engaged with her and escalated things.... and then, he's mad at me... and Ally's having a fit... and things have gone south fast.

It takes a lot of work and attention and PRACTICE to parent.... especially to parent my children..... who I have determined are only so hard because, of course, they are brilliant.  :-)

So.... then, Ally and I drove to day camp... she was in such good spirts today. She and I sang some Adele at the top of our lungs.. and I dropped off a very happy girl..... I hope I pick that same girl up today too!!!!  :-)

Sorry... So Sorry...

Wow... It's been a while huh?!?  I am sorry.  I just haven't taken the time to blog.  Life has been full, in a good way... and free time with which I choose to blog has been hard to find!!

We have been busy! Since  I last blogged...

• Ally has gotten out of school!  June 10 was her last day!  We had a combo party at a friend's house... both her friends and ours... so drinks for the adults... and water slides for the kids.  It was a great way to celebrate the end of a great year!
• That last week of school, we had a picnic... field day and many other events that I was able to be a part of.  Once again, thankful for my part time status at work and the time to be able to be with Ally for all the big events in her life.  I see more and more that she is proud to have me around.  :-)
• I agreed to co-lead her girl scout troop next year... and be the PTO treasurer.  Scott thinks I may have to quit my day job.  :-))))))
• My cousin Sarah moved home and I have been out with her only once which really needs to be remedied!!!  ASAP! 
• My friend Kristen had a baby girl... Mirah Lettie! She is gorgeous, but I haven't been able to see her much because....
• Luke had the chicken pox!!  Yes, he received one vaccine, but was constantly exposed to his twin cousins... so it was inevitable.  It was a super mild case and other than being grumpy, he didn't seem bothered by them a bit... so I am grateful for that!
• We had a bunch of co-workers over to celebrate the start of summer with a backyard BBQ and it was a ton of fun!!  Lots of kids... lots of beer... lots of laughs....
• I went to Lugnuts game with co-workers... also fun!
• Scott's grandpa passed away.... he was almost 90 years old and led a full life... but he will be missed by many, especially his wife of 64 years....  :(  We were lucky enough to have a graduation party for Scott's cousin the weekend before he died. So, we just saw him.
• Scott and I celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary! We spent the day shopping, eating and drinking in Ann Arbor and it was perfect in every way!  Great weather... great times!!!!
• Ally started Junior Golf and loves  it!!!!
• Ally has started her summer schedule of gymnastics.... going twice a week now and really having a lot of fun. She goes with three of her best friends... and I am most proud of how they support and encourage one another.  They are fun to watch!
• We have been lucky enough to spend many, many days out at the pool... and my summer tan is in full swing.  :-))))
• We celebrated father's day by spending the day with the kids, seeing Mr. Poppers Penguins and grilling out on the deck.  Scott took his dad golfing the day before.. they golfed 27 holes.. and had dinner, just the two of them.... which is a wonderful thing.
• My mom had reconstructive surgery after her mastectomy two years ago... and is recovering well at home now.
• We have gone down to every other week with Ally's therapist....

Yes, we are working our way possibly "out" of therapy.  We have all learned so much... so, so, so much... and we are by no means totally done... but therapy is really about getting through a rough patch... and learning some new tools to move forward, more healthy and whole... and I think we are getting to that point. The point in which we can move forward without needing Dot all the time.  ;-) We shall see.  I will never say goodby to her forever.  She is so good for Ally. I am so proud of Ally's time with her... and how she has grown.  She continues to struggle... Ally will never be that happy go lucky kid.... but we know WHY and how to work with it now.  I gotta tell ya though... doesn't really make it any easier..... ;-)

Just yesterday, I longed for the easy going child. Felt angry that Ally will never be that... no matter how much I work, how much I change, how much help we get her.  It's hard not to be jealous of people with "easy" children.  I know, I know... everyone has their challenges...  but sometimes I really wonder what God was thinking when he gave me (the one without any effing patience) this particular child.  :-)))))))

So... after I was done feeling sorry for myself.... my pity party ended... I bucked up... and moved on.  I started to really evaluate what I have learned about myself as a parent and about Ally as a child... and what I really need to continue to do to work toward the more peaceful home that we all long for.

I have learned in the last few months that:

• Kids need to be told NO far more often than we tell them NO.  This pertains to so much in their lives.  In my particular situation, it means I need to say "no you can't have that..." more often than I do.  We are lucky enough to "have" a lot... and we want to give our children a lot. Because we can afford it, too often we say "yes you can have that new shirt... sure you can have that toy...."  It feels good TO US to give our children things... but it doesn't lead to their being able to go to the store and NOT get something.... go anywhere and not do what they want....  So, as much as I love to give gifts... to buy her things... I have to say no over and over and over again.  Accept her anger... her disappointment... and move on.
• Kids are NOT in charge...... not of our household... not of our schedule.... not of a damn thing... and we lived a lot of our life like they were.  Ally held me emotionally hostage at times.  My mood was (and still is... we have a long way to go on this...) dictated by her mood. If Ally wakes up snappy and grumpy, so am I.  I would work an entire day around her... to please her... to not anger her.  I don't know when this happened!?!?  I was NOT the mom who couldn't let her cry it out.  I had her sleeping through the night early.... I had her living by a schedule of my choosing. I don't konw when things went so terribly wrong.... but, I have learned this (or was reminded!!!) ... Ally is not in charge of my house.... and she has to play by my rules.
• Her personality will be set by the time she's 10... and we can't do a thing to change it... so the best time to help her is now.  Ally does not have the ability to accept disappointment without a strong reaction. She does not have ability to take a compliment or a cirticism withouth being deeply affected. She does not have the ability to delay gratification. She wants something and she wants it now.  So, every day we make sure she feels and we do not 'remove' some disappointment.... we have worked out a system of compliments that she can live with... and are rewording our cirticisms.... but not removing them.  We are saying no to even the littlest things that she wants... even a $2 bottle of nail polish... or a 99 cent app..... she has to earn it..... and damn that's hard for me.  ;-)  Truly my biggest challenge is not giving her the world..... every little outfit she looks great in... it makes ME happy... but truly does not fill her up correctly......... so we are learning.
• Kids should not be bribed....  I did a lot of bribing with Ally.... "if you do this we will do that..."  So not working!!!!  Good things should be celebrated.  But, good behavior should be rewarded, not bought........ so we are turning this around........
• Mostly... I've learned that parenting a strong child takes more work, time, love, patience, energy, and understanding than I think I have in me most days....... so I am digging it up from the depths and learning myself...... so yeah, okay... I get it now God... why you gave me this child.... I hear what you're saying....... and I'm workin' on it... okay?  :-))))))

Memorial Day Weekend...

The weekend started off slow..... as in, Scott had been working late the entire previous week... and I was alone with my children every freakin' night..... so when he comes home Friday, sick... I felt bad for him... I really did.... but by Saturday, when my children started to lose it and my patience was thin..... I was just downright grumpy!!!!!!!!!

Friday night, we went out with the Dawsons and the Huffs to grab some drinks and wing with all our kids... well, Katie and Jane were each down one kid to even us all out to two each. ;-)  It was great to get out... I really needed it after the week I had... but I could tell Scott was NOT feeling well, so that part was a bit of a downer......

Saturday morning, after I slept on the couch to give him space and the bed to himself.... I was not bringing my "A-Game." The kids were anxious to do something... and I was staring down a day of taking care of them alone... so we got the hell out of dodge and went to lunch at Panera and then to see the second Kung Fu Panda.  Luke's choice... Ally was less than thrilled, but I saw it as a lesson in "sometimes we all gotta do what we don't want to do!!"  ;-) I think she secretly enjoyed the movie, but will never admit it and I will never ask her to.

We went over to Scott's parents that evening because Scott's brother was in town... and Scott could take it easy there... sip his coke... and I could drink some wine.  :-)  After some wine... and some interaction with adults.... I was almost feeling human again.  I love my kids... but I am one who needs adult interaction on a regular basis. Adult support. Adult conversation. And, never forget... the adult beverage.  :-)

Sunday morning... Scott was feeling better (thank you sweet baby Jesus!).  Ally and I went to church at noon and then, I took her to her friend Kennedy's house where she was going to have a sleepover. I then, had some time alone to grab an iced latte.... and take a breather before I headed home. Grabbed a salad... went home, Luke was napping (he was a GRUMP all weekend, definitely fighting someting, we don't give him naps anymore!) and Scott and I sat on the deck for a couple hours of kid free silence.  Lovely!!!

Sunday night we had the fam over for drinks.... oh, and dinner too!  ;-)  A good time was had by all......

Monday was GORGEOUS!!!  So... I planned to take the kids to the pool, while Scott golfed with his dad and brother.  Luke and I grabbed Ally and Kennedy and off we went.... pool-bound!!!  We got there and it was slow... only four other people there... but it QUICKLY filled up with tons of kids... lots of which Ally knew.  We had the best day!  We ate chicken fingers and nachos poolside. Drank margaritas and when Daddy joined us.. bloody mary's..... and spent far too long there!  The girls and I burned... Luke and Scott spent plenty of time under the umbrella to play it safe. 

I barely saw Ally at all the entire day. She only came to find me to say she was hungry or thirsty... and Luke was such a trooper!  He was obviously feeling so much better and he loved everything about the place.  He went back and forth between the big pool and the kiddie pool... played independently, and just had a ball.  I am so happy we joined and thrilled we get to spend our summer at the pool!!!!  Bring on summer fun!!!!

Crazy Thankful...

Today I am feeling crazy thankful.  I just left a parent-only therapy session with Ally's therapist.  We had such a great discussion.... and as I drove away.... and my hubby drove away.... each of us going back to work, I thought to myself how very lucky we are that EACH ONE OF US cares so much about our family, our daughter that we are willing to say "yes" to therapy and to work at our parenting and work at developing Ally's personality.

I am not ashamed to say I have been in therapy myself. Not ashamed to say Scott and I have been in therapy together. I wear it as a badge of honor. A badge that says "I care enough about me to work on me" or "I care enough about my marriage to work on my marriage"

I am also not stupid enough to say that I have all the answers........ and man..... I DO NOT HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS!!!!!!!

I am thankful for Dot's (Ally's therapist) help..... more thankful than words can say. She has spent time with my daugther. She knows and understands her.... her strengths and weaknesses.  I am not so proud to say that as a parent, sometimes we do NOT know our kids really. There are always things our children will not let us see. That happens at all ages. Dot can see into Ally... really hear her... and then give us tips on the best way to help teach her, parent her, discipline her, and train her to use the "muscles" that she lacks the ability to use.

We are learning so much. Last week we learned the term "executive function."  Google it.  It's an amazing read.  Today we learned about "mindful thinking."  Looking forward to learning more.  Dot is helping us to teach and practice with Ally, these skills that most adults do not have.  Hell... I know I lack half of the executive fuction abilties.

I am thankful that I am not married to a man who thinks this is all a bunch of horse shit... cuz  I know some dads/husbands would feel that way.  Hell, some moms probably would too. I am glad that through all the crazy struggles of our life... and we've had some doozies... Scott and I can still, after 16 years of being together through the better and the worse.... we come together on the parenting of our children.  Dot applauded our ability to parent together, when so many would be torn apart in the face of such a difficult child.

But.. we come together and we aren't afraid to work.  Because we so just KNOW that she will be better on the other side. We will be better on the other side. We have lived getting better on the other side.

I am so thankful that this crazy storm of us... and our kids... and our family... has created these people who, face a hell of a lot of challenges... don't have it easy... but face every day willing to work and make it better, no matter how bad the day before was.

I am thankful for exactly who and exactly where I am.  And not too many people can say that.  :-)

Kiddio Update...

So.... this week has been a bit crazy. Scott had a training all week in Lansing... and even though it was FOR work... his actual "work" did not stop just because he was out, so he had to go into the office each night AFTER a full day in Lansing and work into the wee hours.  I feel bad for him.  He is completely worn out. Exhausted and brain dead.  But, also, it was a wicked week for me since he was gone most of last week two. Two straight weeks of single parenting it for the week... not so cool.

All I can say is that if you are a single parent... my god bless you... it's a rough time... and you have a special place reserved for you in heaven.....

Last week went well... and it's a good thing or I wouldn't have survived this week. Nothing major went wrong.... I have just lost patience... kids miss normal routine that included Daddy... and Ally had a pretty big fit... first in a long time. Luke is being even MORE needy than usual - who knew THAT was possible????

Scott is on his way home from Lansing now... and we are looking forward to the long weekend together... at least we have that ahead of us.

This week was tougher it seems... we had more appointments and the weather was worse than ever.  One of those appointments was the kids' annual physical... which was a huge stress in itself.  Luke is a disaster at the doctor, and Ally was concerned about some things, so she was a bit worked up too.  We had noticed something was growing in the same general area that she has had a wart (in her nose) the last two years.  We have had to have surgery twice to remove it. So, when we saw that... we (and she!) assumed the wart was on its way back... as was another surgery.  Add to that, this time, it was more outside and kids were starting to take notice... and you had one anxiety-filled little girl.

So.... we go to see the doc.  Our regular doc is off on leave, so we saw an amazing nurse practitioner, Colleen that I just loved to pieces.  She spent almost an hour with us.... which is awesome.  My kids definitely got the full service physical.  Luke is just screaming as soon as we go in.  It's difficult to weigh him cuz he's gripping hold of me... but we get it done.  He is weighing 32 pounds these days. Below the 25th percentile. Just below.  No cause for concern at this point, but he was consistently closer to the 50th up to this point.  His height is in the 50th still... and the doc said he is perfect.  That's she rather have him a bit underweight than over... even at this point in life.

Then, Ally jumped on... 56 pounds.... and she's grown 3 inches in a  year!!!!!  50th percentile for height for her... and she is right around the 25th for weight.  At least my kids are consisten... average height and skinny.  Doc told her she was "perfect" too... and we talked about food for a bit. Ally is a great, extremely healthy eater.... she just has a super high metabolism.

Ally underwent the exam first... and the doc told her immediately that her "wart" was not a wart at all... but a skin tag.  She then went on to explain to her that she could pull it off herself... told her to hold ice to it someday when she was up for it... and just yank it off like you would a loose tooth. This all made Ally nervous... so Colleen was quick to say "not today.... you will know the day you are ready."  The exam went on without incident.  All good.  Eyes, ears, joints, reflexes.... all good in the hood.

Luke watched in terror as Ally went through all this.... he knew he was next.... but he got to sit on my lap and his physical exam was much less invasive.  He wasn't happy, but he did it.... and he didn't scream.  A tear or two was shed... but he made it through.  Unfortunately, for him... that was not the end.  Luke had to have a booster shot and a poke for his hemoglobin test.  That was a disaster.  He said his leg hurt for two days.  He might not be the toughest cookie on the  block....  :-))))))

That night.... Ally decided to be brave... she iced her skin tag... and after many failed attempts... she pulled that sucker off!  :-)  She is so relieved... as am I.  No worries of teasing... no concerns over surgery... good, good stuff.....

In other Ally news.... she is letting me leave her hair curly.... since it's warmer and humid these days... I really pretty much just told her this was how it's gonna be.  Impossible for me to get it straight in this weather!!!!  She had an apt at Divinity this week, and her stylist, Michelle was wearing her hair curly (it's usually straight) so Ally was super excited.  We got a new style... new products... and a decision to let out bangs grow out!!!  A good summer task.....  Ally is really excited cuz she has to wear a barret every day to hold her bangs over... and she informs me that she has "always hated having bangs..."  :-)

Who knew?  ;-)

The end of the school year is only two weeks away!!  Where did it go?  How did my girl already complete the second grade!!?? I am so crazy proud of her this year.  It's been rough in a lot of ways.. but she has faced it head on, and we have faced a lot of other shit head on together this year too... and she is growing, emotionally, in leaps and bounds.  Setbacks will always be inevitable... but she is really, over all, turning a corner.... or maybe we are all just learning?  ;-)

We have our summer schedule all figured out.  I will be working the same hours as I was the school  year.... with some tweaks! Monday, both the kids will go to my in-laws, and I will work a longer day.... maybe til 4 or so... because on Tuesdays I need to pick Ally up from gymnastics by 2.  Ally will spend her morning each Tuesday with her friend Kennedy as Kennedy's mom has graciously offered to keep her and get the girls to gymnastics at noon.  Then, Wednesdays, Ally will spend at Day Camp a the Country Club cuz she will have Golf those days... I just have to pick her up by 4.

Thursdays she still has gymnastics, but I can get her there... and then, I am thinking most Thursdays will be our afternoon at the pool after... and maybe all day Friday too, depending on what's going on!  And there you have our weekly summer schedule.  For the most part. With some changes here and there.

I am ready for summer to be here already.... I am over the worst spring on record.  Just bring on the heat already.... I won't complain about 90... I won't say once I'm too hot. I swear it!!!  Just stop with the rain!!!!!!!!!!!

Hopefully, we will have some sun this weekend... we are going out to dinner tonight... have a wedding  tomorrow, and hopefully can spend some time with Scott's brother who is in town visiting, Sunday.. maybe the boys can golf or something... the pool opens this weekend, but I doubt there will be enough heat to swim.... maybe for the kids, but definitely not for mommy.  ;-)

Enjoy your weekends... whatever you are doing..... !!!!!!

Wonderful Weekend...

Well, after a great week - where I was "mostly" alone with the kids and rocked the shit out of single parenting (pat, pat my back!)... Scott and I had the greatest weekend.  We didn't do anything special or that spectacular... it was just all around great!

Scott returned Thursday evening... I made him one of his favorite "comfort food" meals... opened one of the good bottles of wine... and welcomed him home in style.  He was very happy to be home. The kids were thrilled to see him.  We had a great evening of food, wine and catching up!  Sometimes the best part of being together, is being apart for a while so you appreciate and celebrate that time!  So, we did.  Ally made a sign for the door and we made a little party of it.

Friday, Scott decided he needed the day at home... so he didn't go to work.  Ally still had school, and it's a normal day off for me... so other than an apt that Scott had to run out for, we were all home together.  It worked out nicely, because we  had plans that night to go to dinner with some friends to the Common Grill in Chelsea.  We decided that since our reservation wasn't until 8 pm, we would still leave early and go to Ann Arbor, do some shopping together and then, have a drink just the two of us before dinner. Which is just what we did!  We enjoyed the time together and then had a blast with two other couples we have gotten to know through school and such. We went back to one of their houses afterwards and talked the night away... stayed out too late, drank too much... and generally had a great time. 

Saturday, we were "ahem" feeling the effects of our night... but it was worth it. We lazed around all day and the kids were super cooperative since Mommy and Daddy weren't the most fun people in the world.  ;-)  We did go out to dinner - best hangover food around - Steak and Shake baby.  Cheese fries. Burgers.  Yes... we needed grease.  :-)))))

Sunday, we woke up ready to go.  It was a gorgeous day... so we started to clean out and fill the giant (no exaggeration here people!!!) roll off bin we had delivered the week before.  We  knew we had some big stuff to get rid of... then, the bin came... and we laughed thinking "overkill???"  But damn if we haven't almost filled that thing! Holy crap I love throwing shit out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  LOVE IT! 

We spent lots of time outside... the kids were, once again, super cooperative with not doing too much.... we were busy, yes... but not doing super fun stuff..... I guess there is fun to be had in throwing crap away... I am teaching them young.  Hoarders they will never be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  :-)

So... when I laid my head down last night, I just thought about how perfect the weekend was.  Some serious partying/night out with my hubby and adults... some lazy time... some serious cleaning... and some time just hanging with my kids.  An absolutely wonderful weekend.....  :-)

Kudos to Me...

Yep... I'm givin' myself some kudos. I have rocked this week!  We are running like a finely tuned machine, the kids and I.  I am keeping to a schedule... a routine... checkin' things off my list, but keeping expectations low and things simple.  And it's going great!  The house is completely picked up and in order. I have remembered to take the garbage out, the recycling out (no small task!!!), feed the dogs, let them in and out, and get the kids fed each morning. These are Scott's "usual" daily jobs... and I have incorporated them into mine.

Sure... Ally has gotten to school at 8:04 two days in a row, and then, today, 8:09.... but that's ON TIME!!!  ;-)  Sure I drop Luke and run all the while he's screaming "one more kiss mommy" and breaking my heart... but we are doing just fine.

Wednesdays are a nice, early home day.  I get Ally, get Luke and am home by 4 at the latest. That means we can make a more elaborate dinner... accomplish more of our weekly homework... and maybe enjoy some more time together.  Ally has been happy to step up and help... helping me haul out the six recycling bins and tons of extra cardboard this morning.  Happy to help me get Luke up... and do her normal tasks of her own dishes, laying out her clothes, getting dressed and her homework.  I am very proud of her this week and thankful for her attitude. Therapy rocked yesterday... and we both left feeling hopeful and happy. 

And, here it is.. Wednesday... my final work day!  I had a busy work week... but got everything done and rocked it (if I do say so myself once again!).  A glass of wine for me tonite. Yes sir.  I've earned it.

Goin' It Solo....

This week I am a single parent while Scott is out of town!  He left Sunday morning before the kids even got up... so I got to break the news to them.  Luke doesn't really care.  He only brings Daddy up when he's mad at me.  Last night at bedtime, I was the "meanest mommy ever" and he wished "daddy would come home right now."   ;-)

Ally was pretty bummed.  She cried for a while... and I let her work through her disappointment.  She is okay though, no acting out as a result... actually, if anything, she is trying extra hard to be more good than usual.  It's really odd, the kids tend to be better behaved if only one of us is home with them.  It's a very good thing, don't get me wrong... just odd!  But, boy am I thankful, cuz I don't think I could cope with them both melting down and me going in alone for a week!

Sunday was a down day for us. What crap weather. Seriously.  I am so over this cold. This rain.  This is just crap!  We watched movies and picked up the house... and generally did nothing. I had zero energy. And the kids were cooperative with that.  Sometimes they can be little angels.  ;-)

Monday we all had to get out of the house on time... have it ready for the cleaning lady... dogs put away downstairs.. check made... and lots of little things done.  I did it!  Got Ally to school on time and everything.  Huge kudos for me.  Yesterday, we didn't even get home until almost 6:30... so it was a quick dinner, clean up and some play time and stories before bed!  Luke fought bed time like he always does the days he takes a nap... we don't go in his room anymore... we put him down and he essentially tries to manipulate us into coming in for about an hour sometimes.  At first , it was back and forth... then, we started explaining we were NOT coming in anymore... we don't.... and he still tries. We talk to him from the hall, our room or wherever we are... and mostly, he just wants to know that we're still there.  He works it though... with his "Mommy!?  I just love you!!!" and his "You are the bestest Mommy ever!  Goodnight!"  Oh that kid is good..................

Ally has been working to "earn" sleeping with me while Scott is gone.  If she is good and does everything that she should without complaint each evening, she can sleep with me.  It's working quite well... and we talk every night that when Daddy returns, this slumber party ends... and she cannot complain about going back to her bed or it won't happen again when Daddy goes away.  We have never, ever allowed the kids to sleep with us... worrying that it is a slippery slope... but I am keeping my fingers crossed that she is old enough to enjoy this as a "perk" and go back to business as usual upon Scott's return.  I also really enjoy the warm body next to me in bed.  ;-)

This morning was a little more hairied.  I got up fifteen minutes later... and boy what a difference those minutes made!!!!  I had to get the garbage out... dogs fed... kids fed... dogs out... and kids ready...... oh, and myself which is no small task...... but we did it on time once again. I had to literally drop Luke and run... but Ally got to school at 8:04 and the bell rings at 8:10 .  YAY me..........  :-))))))

Tonite, we have therapy after school...... and a later get home time once again. That's the one thing I hate about therapy for Ally... I get home like I work full time on Tuesdays... and it reminds me why that sucked so bad.... starting dinner at 6/6:30 is not cool.

I am busy at work this week... working toward a Wednesday deadline on a project... so that adds a little more stress than the average week. But we are powering through............ Scott will be home Thursday night and I am more than thrilled that he and I already had a date night planned for Friday night........ we will need it!!  :-)

Long Time, No Blog...

So, it's been a while.  First of all - anyone who was "following" the saga of Ally on the other blog... it's gone... for a few reasons. One, I just can't keep up with one, let alone two. It wasn't the help I thought it would be writing in all out and venting....  Two, things are going okay... I guess I had this vision that I would have these battles to write about and that's just not happening. While we have taken some steps back after many weeks of good times... things are still improving... and well, I'm sick of saying "I don't have much to report!"  :-)))))

That said, Ally has been struggling this past week starting last weekend. And, I've been sick most of this week and struggling to work and parent, let alone really parent her the way she needs to be. So, this week has been about survival.  I have a horrid cold.  It's making me tired, keeping me from enjoying the weather and generally making me grumpy. Who has time for crap like this?  Sickness makes me angry. Nice attitude huh.....

We have been busy.  My mom was in town from April 29 through May 7.... so we did a lot while she was here.  Lots of family gatherings, meals out and the like.  My great uncle was really sick there for a while... he's been battling cancer and doing well, the tumor is all but gone... but the chemo and radiation are doing him in. He fought off pneumonia last week and it was touch and go... but it looks like he will pull through. My aunt's dad just died, which breaks my heart.  And... we are supposed to get together for another aunt's 50th birthday celebration tomorrow... hopefully, most of us can still make it. Dinner at Klavons and off to a Lugnuts game.  Hopefully the weather cooperates.

Spring is in full force. I am itching to get the back yard and deck in order.  Last year we put a new deck and fence in... this year is the year to make it all look a little nicer! We have to landscape around the perimeter of the fence and get some giant pots of flowers for these platforms on the deck.  I want some color out there against that huge white expanse of fence!!!!  I don't know what to do about the play structure that we have for the kids that is outside the fence. It's not super convenient for them to get to. Hard with the dogs.  I would maybe like a smaller one inside the fence?  I don't know..... I hate to spend a lot and have them not even care.... or play on it!  Which is totally more likely....

Ally only has four weeks left of school! I am cautiously looking forward to the summer.  I hope we can maintain some routine for her to maintain stability in all that we are trying to do.  She will have gymnastics twice a week... which I think is a good thing.  She will go to Nana and Papa's on Monday and Wednesdays. Tuesdays, she will be with a friend in the morning until gymnastics.  A wonderful mom of a friend she is in school with and gymnastics with, offered to have Ally over each Tuesday!  And then, she will have gymnastics again Thursdays.. but I am off and can take her.  I am off Thursdays and Fridays....

We joined the Country Club recently, so we can enjoy lots of time at the pool there this summer. With as much as I will be off, it will be nice to have a summer-long place to "vacation!"  I plan to spend many afternoons lounging with the kids, sipping a beverage.  Ally is going to do some of the day camps they have out there and is thinking about Junior Golf since a couple of her friends do it.  We shall see.

We have one big vacation planned to Cape Hatteras with Scott's family.  We are staying in Buxton at THIS COTTAGE

That should be a good time.  Scott and I will take other time off together, we just don't have any big trips planned just yet. We gave up the South Haven vacation to have the summer at the pool... but a long weekend here or there... or some "staycations" might be in order. Who knows....

I have a girls' weekend coming up in June.  Two of my best friends are turning 35 and it's my half birthday too... so we decided to celebrate... we are trying to get a hotel in Chicago, but there is a big half marathon the weekend we want so Chicago is booked. Even though the girls live in Chicago, they want to be out of their house and vacation in the city they never vacation in!  And, one of them is married with kids and that's not much of a girls' weekend now is it!?  ;-)

We need to get Ally to Chicago this summer... she always needs a little catch up with her friend Isabel.  We need to take some day trips to South Haven. I drove there this past week for a meeting.. and I always forget how very close it really is.  Easy to do in a day!

It is the season of bridal showers and weddings and we have a couple.  Graduation parties... we have at least one. And who knows what else.  Summer to me is just enjoying as much time as you can with your favorite people... and I plan to do just that. So come on summer... you can arrive any time as far as I'm concerned.........

First Communion...

Ally's First Communion was this past Sunday.  It was such a wonderful day!!!!  Ally was very excited to dress up in her white dress and wear some new jewelry we got her. I ended up getting her an "add a pearl" necklace, but she informed me she likes the necklace as it is and doesn't want to change it. We will see how she feel about that as the years go by.

We got to mass nice and early and were able to capture many gorgeous pictures with Ally and some of her friends.  The mass itself was amazing.  Father Tim did a great job... he brought the kids up on the altar for the homily... the link to the YouTube Video captured by Ally's teacher's hubby can be seen HERE.

It was a really emotional day for me... and I could tell it was for Ally too. Months of prep have gone into this day. It was more than the dress, the party, the gifts.... it was the sacrament and Ally really knew that. It is amazing to watch your child learn about faith... and I am more than proud of her.

She was exhausted after the mass... and ready to get home. She didn't even want to stay in her dress for long... she wanted to be comfy... and I went with the flow on that one. Even though I didn't get a single picture with her myself... or half the pictures I wanted to get... but that's okay. What I did capture, I love and cherish...

Pen Pals...

Ally gave me a letter that she wrote to her cousin Natalie in Kansas City.... she informed me that they are "pen pals."

The letter reads:

Dear Natalee,

Guess what?  Are fridge is broken!  Well, we got a new one!  It's silver are other one was white! But... the freezer door won't open! So... no ice cream!

Your fridge is probally swell,

Ally

:-)