Sorry... So Sorry...

Wow... It's been a while huh?!?  I am sorry.  I just haven't taken the time to blog.  Life has been full, in a good way... and free time with which I choose to blog has been hard to find!!

We have been busy! Since  I last blogged...

• Ally has gotten out of school!  June 10 was her last day!  We had a combo party at a friend's house... both her friends and ours... so drinks for the adults... and water slides for the kids.  It was a great way to celebrate the end of a great year!
• That last week of school, we had a picnic... field day and many other events that I was able to be a part of.  Once again, thankful for my part time status at work and the time to be able to be with Ally for all the big events in her life.  I see more and more that she is proud to have me around.  :-)
• I agreed to co-lead her girl scout troop next year... and be the PTO treasurer.  Scott thinks I may have to quit my day job.  :-))))))
• My cousin Sarah moved home and I have been out with her only once which really needs to be remedied!!!  ASAP! 
• My friend Kristen had a baby girl... Mirah Lettie! She is gorgeous, but I haven't been able to see her much because....
• Luke had the chicken pox!!  Yes, he received one vaccine, but was constantly exposed to his twin cousins... so it was inevitable.  It was a super mild case and other than being grumpy, he didn't seem bothered by them a bit... so I am grateful for that!
• We had a bunch of co-workers over to celebrate the start of summer with a backyard BBQ and it was a ton of fun!!  Lots of kids... lots of beer... lots of laughs....
• I went to Lugnuts game with co-workers... also fun!
• Scott's grandpa passed away.... he was almost 90 years old and led a full life... but he will be missed by many, especially his wife of 64 years....  :(  We were lucky enough to have a graduation party for Scott's cousin the weekend before he died. So, we just saw him.
• Scott and I celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary! We spent the day shopping, eating and drinking in Ann Arbor and it was perfect in every way!  Great weather... great times!!!!
• Ally started Junior Golf and loves  it!!!!
• Ally has started her summer schedule of gymnastics.... going twice a week now and really having a lot of fun. She goes with three of her best friends... and I am most proud of how they support and encourage one another.  They are fun to watch!
• We have been lucky enough to spend many, many days out at the pool... and my summer tan is in full swing.  :-))))
• We celebrated father's day by spending the day with the kids, seeing Mr. Poppers Penguins and grilling out on the deck.  Scott took his dad golfing the day before.. they golfed 27 holes.. and had dinner, just the two of them.... which is a wonderful thing.
• My mom had reconstructive surgery after her mastectomy two years ago... and is recovering well at home now.
• We have gone down to every other week with Ally's therapist....

Yes, we are working our way possibly "out" of therapy.  We have all learned so much... so, so, so much... and we are by no means totally done... but therapy is really about getting through a rough patch... and learning some new tools to move forward, more healthy and whole... and I think we are getting to that point. The point in which we can move forward without needing Dot all the time.  ;-) We shall see.  I will never say goodby to her forever.  She is so good for Ally. I am so proud of Ally's time with her... and how she has grown.  She continues to struggle... Ally will never be that happy go lucky kid.... but we know WHY and how to work with it now.  I gotta tell ya though... doesn't really make it any easier..... ;-)

Just yesterday, I longed for the easy going child. Felt angry that Ally will never be that... no matter how much I work, how much I change, how much help we get her.  It's hard not to be jealous of people with "easy" children.  I know, I know... everyone has their challenges...  but sometimes I really wonder what God was thinking when he gave me (the one without any effing patience) this particular child.  :-)))))))

So... after I was done feeling sorry for myself.... my pity party ended... I bucked up... and moved on.  I started to really evaluate what I have learned about myself as a parent and about Ally as a child... and what I really need to continue to do to work toward the more peaceful home that we all long for.

I have learned in the last few months that:

• Kids need to be told NO far more often than we tell them NO.  This pertains to so much in their lives.  In my particular situation, it means I need to say "no you can't have that..." more often than I do.  We are lucky enough to "have" a lot... and we want to give our children a lot. Because we can afford it, too often we say "yes you can have that new shirt... sure you can have that toy...."  It feels good TO US to give our children things... but it doesn't lead to their being able to go to the store and NOT get something.... go anywhere and not do what they want....  So, as much as I love to give gifts... to buy her things... I have to say no over and over and over again.  Accept her anger... her disappointment... and move on.
• Kids are NOT in charge...... not of our household... not of our schedule.... not of a damn thing... and we lived a lot of our life like they were.  Ally held me emotionally hostage at times.  My mood was (and still is... we have a long way to go on this...) dictated by her mood. If Ally wakes up snappy and grumpy, so am I.  I would work an entire day around her... to please her... to not anger her.  I don't know when this happened!?!?  I was NOT the mom who couldn't let her cry it out.  I had her sleeping through the night early.... I had her living by a schedule of my choosing. I don't konw when things went so terribly wrong.... but, I have learned this (or was reminded!!!) ... Ally is not in charge of my house.... and she has to play by my rules.
• Her personality will be set by the time she's 10... and we can't do a thing to change it... so the best time to help her is now.  Ally does not have the ability to accept disappointment without a strong reaction. She does not have ability to take a compliment or a cirticism withouth being deeply affected. She does not have the ability to delay gratification. She wants something and she wants it now.  So, every day we make sure she feels and we do not 'remove' some disappointment.... we have worked out a system of compliments that she can live with... and are rewording our cirticisms.... but not removing them.  We are saying no to even the littlest things that she wants... even a $2 bottle of nail polish... or a 99 cent app..... she has to earn it..... and damn that's hard for me.  ;-)  Truly my biggest challenge is not giving her the world..... every little outfit she looks great in... it makes ME happy... but truly does not fill her up correctly......... so we are learning.
• Kids should not be bribed....  I did a lot of bribing with Ally.... "if you do this we will do that..."  So not working!!!!  Good things should be celebrated.  But, good behavior should be rewarded, not bought........ so we are turning this around........
• Mostly... I've learned that parenting a strong child takes more work, time, love, patience, energy, and understanding than I think I have in me most days....... so I am digging it up from the depths and learning myself...... so yeah, okay... I get it now God... why you gave me this child.... I hear what you're saying....... and I'm workin' on it... okay?  :-))))))