Sigh...

Thank you to all who sent me kind words via blog comment, facebook message and email.  I really appreciate the support, words of wisdom and reinforcement that I am not alone.  I think that is so much of why I keep this blog... the virtual support network... it means a great deal.

We had a really rough night last night.  Huge sigh.  As if to reinforce the fact that we need to move forward with a therapist, Ally had a pretty bad meltdown.  It can start for any reason.... the evening was going along just fine. Great even. And, then, with a simple "why don't you get your pajamas on"... it all went horridly wrong.  She just snapped.  Started screaming and freaking out.  It was irrational. It was awful. When she is in these moments she says awful things.. and they almost always escalate. Always.

And this one was a doozy........

At first, she was just pissed about the going to bed process (or so I assume).  Then... somewhere during it all... it comes out that she has told yet another lie to her friends... or one friend in particular.  Some of Ally's closest friends at school play basketball... and they have been talking about it all season. Well, apparently Ally has been feeling left out... so she decided to tell them that she plays basketball somewhere else.  So, one of the girls emails her - and in a somewhat snotty "I'm calling you out" sort of way asks her to let her know when her next game is and that she can't wait to come watch her.

Second Grade! Sigh.

Of course, this sends Ally into a fit... she is screaming that she doesn't want to go to school... that she hopes it's a snow day... that she hates herself... even that she wants to die. Scott is in the room with her at this point, and I am laying in bed just sobbing... feeling like death myself...

She tells him that she never feels that she has anything to say when all her friends start talking about the things that they do........ she always feels inferior..... and so she has started making things up to feel as if she fits in.  Ugh. This breaks my heart.... but she should be able to handle situations like this at her age.  There will always be someone who has done something you perceive as cooler... more fun... more interesting... that's life.  How do we pass on this oh-so important life skill to her??? How can I not help but feel as though I have failed to teach her something along the way????

Scott - in his infinite patience, wisdom and capacity for empathy - talked her through it all. She was afraid to apologize... and he walked her through the three ways she could. Gave her permission to email the girl back, but explained that email is the weakest form of an apology. That in person would be best, but that he understands if she feels she can't do that yet.  So... he helped her with the email.  Then, he told her that maybe next time, she could write a letter - much more personal - and the time after that, learn to apologize face to face.  It was amazing to hear how he worked her through the situation.... and allowed her to reach a place of peace so she could sleep....

She went off to school this morning, with no incident or issue. I hope things go well for her.  I hope she is able to apologize and offer explanation without feeling inferior or judged. A tall order.  An impossible hope maybe.

I worry so much for her... I hope and pray that these are just the early years... these issues soon will pass and she will reach a new height of maturity soon. 

Thanks for listening.......