Part-Time Lover...

Okay, it's only been ONE day so I can't say that I LOVE it yet... hell, I went into today with so much trepidation that I couldn't even be sure I was going to LIKE it!!! That deserves some explanation, since at the surface, it makes no sense...

How could I be UNHAPPY about going part-time?  It was my choice... it gives me so much more flexibility in my life... I get to be with my kids a lot more (good and bad there people, good AND bad!)... and all the other wonderful things that I could list on and on....

But, let's remember this:  I have worked FULL-time for 12 years!!!!  TWELVE YEARS!  And that's a good chunk of my life!  It is what I KNOW. What I am used to. It has been my norm, whether it be good, bad or ugly, for a long ass time!

And, now it's all different!!!!  It feels weird.  I feel out of sorts.  Not in a bad way... in a probably perfectly normal way.  This is just all so new to me!!!!!!  You would not think that working five hours a day instead of eight would feel so different, but somehow, it does.  I leave at 2 pm.... no one else walks out with me!  I won't be in on Fridays at all.  My days are shorter and there are fewer of them... that is just all-around DIFFERENT!!!

So... I walked around in a bit of a cloud today.  I kept worrying that I would forget to leave at 2:00 pm and I had visions of Ally standing there, outside school crying cuz I was late.  Oh the crazy thoughts we mothers have!  We constantly assume the worst of ourselves.... we constantly think we're incapable!

But, despite my foggy mind... despite my worry... the day surprised me.  The sun was shining.  I had a great five hours at work.  I was busy, but not overly so.  I talked to all my "work" friends and we all laughed about my new "status."  And I drove home talking to one of my best friends, and part-time-working mom from Chicago... who filled me with hope and gave me that sense of peace that everything is going to be just fine.... and agreed that this discontent I am feeling will pass....

And the afternoon and evening were just about perfect.... as if to say "what were you so worried about crazy girl?"  We came home and had girl scout cookies and milk for an after-school snack. Could you get more "cliche" than that?  :-)))))  Ally read a book aloud to me.  Then, Luke and Ally went out to play for a short time. They came back in and we played Uno and made Papa some birthday cards. They went back outside when I began to make dinner... and happily played on their own until dinner was ready and Scott was home.

I made an awesome dinner if I do say so myself..... sesame tuna, coconut-cilantro rice, and steamed green beans.  I did the dishes while Scott went back out with the kids, with the sole intention to scoop the many, MANY piles of poop that have reared their ugly head since the snow melted.  Unfortunately, he couldn't find the shovel and then, got to spend half an hour scrubbing the bottom of the kids' shoes with a toothbrush... but the kids had a blast.... and it must feel SO good to be able to play outside in the warmer weather.

I gave them their baths when they came in and dried and straightened Ally's hair.  Luke then asked for me to put him down and then, Ally needed me to tuck her in too....

All the while... I will say.... I did these things with just a bit more calm.  With just a bit more of my head in the game.... because I did not start this dinner process at 6:30... or trying to cram reading and playing and all of it into that short amount of time I USED to have between picking up the kids and putting them to bed.

I was more present in my kids' evening and I feel the difference in that.  And, damn if it doesn't feel good!!!!

Albeit, still a bit strange....  ;-)

Another day tomorrow.... I know it will still feel abnormal.... and I know not all evenings will be as picture perfect as this one... but THANK you God for this one, and we will just go from here.

Here's to part-time... bring it on.....