Goodbye Penny...

Yesterday, the McIntosh family suffered a great loss... but no one felt this loss greater than my baby girl.  Ally's first pet of her very own, her guinea pig Penny, died unexpectedly during the day while she was at school. I thank God that Scott happened to be home sick yesterday. It solidifies my belief that everything happens for a reason.  He found her, and was able to call me so I could mentally prepare myself and think of what to do and how to tell her as I drove home.

The first thing I did was call my in-laws.  I am thankful that no matter when or what... they are a phone call away.  I asked them to meet me at home and take Luke to their house for a bit.  No hesitation... my father-in-law was there in an instant and took Luke home with him.

Ally instantly knew something was up.  "Why is Luke going to Nana's mommy?"  She's a smart cookie, that one.

I am thankful Scott was home with me.  I hate doing this stuff alone.  Kudos to the single parents out there who do this alone day in and day out. You have a special place in heaven.

We sat her down in the living room and just got it out.  "Ally, Daddy was home sick today and he went to check on Penny and... she died baby girl...."

Oh my word. The tears. The true sorrow she felt after that.... the screams... just heartbreaking.  More than a mom can sit there and take.  Scott and I sat with her. Cried with her.  Just let her cry and yell and get it all out....

As an adult... I know this loss is small on the scale of loss one can suffer... but to a nine year old girl, this is as bad as it gets.  Penny was her friend. Her roommate. Her very OWN to care for and love. Penny loved her back.  If I put my hand in her cage, she ran away.  But, she came to Ally, let Ally pet her and pick her up. She squeaked like crazy when Ally was in her presence.  They had a special thing they did all the time... Ally would go up to her cage and they would go nose to nose... it was their sign of affection. And it was freakin' adorable.

Oh Ally... I am so sorry that your Penny is gone. I know you feel loss as few other do. I know you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders.  This is a heartbreaking loss.  A terrible loss of innocence that I wish I could protect you from for as long as possible.  I know you loved Penny with all your heart.  I hope you know that she loved you right back.  You took such wonderful care of her.  You gave her treats and fed her and loved her every day.  She had a wonderful, albeit short, life with you.  Better than she could have had anywhere else.

I am so proud of you that you went in to look at her to say goodbye. I am in awe of the strength you had to do that. I am not sure I could have done the same at your age.  I will never forget the sound of your voice when you said "goodbye Penny"... how you waved at her. I will forever recall the image of you decorating the beautiful box we buried her in. The tears streaming down your face, but your determination in completing the task.  You wrote "Penny" and drew a heart.  You wrote "I love you.... you are the best guinea pig.... have fun with Duncan."  I love that you hold on to the image of Duncan chasing her in heaven.  I love that you believe she has gone on to a better place and that helps you find peace.

I am so sorry that you feel so sad. That you feel alone in your room now that she is gone. I know life isn't always easy on you and that she helped to calm you sometimes. She made you happy when you were sad. She distracted you from life sometimes.  I am sorry you don't have her to do that for you anymore.  I know you will miss that. I know you will feel an emptiness in your heart for a long, long time.

I am glad you have these two crazies to love on still though... they are a pain in the butt sometimes, but they love you... and yesterday, they knew you were hurting. The did what they could.

Life can be a bundle of poo sometimes.  This isn't the hardest thing you will face, but it feels like it right now.  In time, this will seem but a blip on the screen.... but that will take a while, and in the meantime, you go ahead and grieve and we will be right by your side.

Goodbye Penny.  Thanks for giving my baby girl some great memories... and for teaching her both wonderful and awful lessons.... you served a purpose in our lives. 

Run fast though, Duncan can be fierce...  ;-)